Healing for Adult Male Survivors of Childhood Trauma
The Wound
Childhood abuse often remains a hidden wound. As children, boys can take on to themselves the societal expectations that they should be strong and stoic, that “I can’t tell anybody” or “No one will believe me” or “I should have done something about it.” There’s almost always an element of, “It’s my fault.” This kind of thinking can keep men from facing and fully feeling their fear, anger, or grief, thereby delaying the healing process.
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Recognizing Woundedness
As boys grow to be men and become used to the denial and repressed emotions that comes from not fully processing the trauma, they may not even recognize the true impact of the early childhood abuse. Whether the abuse was physical, neglectful, emotional, sexual, or some combination of these, the effects over time can be devastating, including:
 
  • Suppression of difficult emotions and so not feeling much of anything
  • Experiences of shame and guilt
  • Difficulty trusting others or even oneself
  • Physical health problems
  • Relationship difficulties
  • Depression, anxiety
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder with accompanying intrusive memories, avoidance, hyperarousal, and negative self-thoughts
  • Substance abuse
  • Risky or self-harming behavior
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The Healing Journey
You’re already here, reading this page, so you have some idea that you’d like things to be different. Facing one’s past is always challenging and it can be helpful to have an ally. While the healing journey is different for each of us, there are some shared elements such as:
  • The need to move at your own speed
  • The fact that one’s healing process does not operate on a timeline
  • Supporting the nervous system to stand down from the constant effort it takes to hold off your feelings
  • And re-claiming parts of your life that you’ve denied, hidden, or repressed
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What Will Actually Happen In Session?
​Each person is different in how they respond to traumatic events and so each client’s journey of healing is unique. Building trust, curiosity, empathy, and compassion creates a strong foundation for the therapeutic relationship. The actual therapeutic techniques I use include check-ins, visualizations, EMDR, and the Flash Technique, among others. Together we’ll work to reduce your level of distress, and increase the level of agency in your life through talking, defusing difficult memories, exploring insights, and building new skills of self-care and self-compassion.
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Therapy and The Path Forward
​Perhaps you recognize yourself in the paragraphs above. Maybe you have a particularly distressing memory that you would like to dial down from a 9-10/10 level of distress to a 0-1/10. Perhaps you want to stop clenching when startled while walking down the street. Or maybe you just want to feel more comfortable in your skin, or to feel more at ease when you’re with other people. Whatever your goals, whatever your experience, you can have support, clarity, and understanding as you move forward.
 
The first step in finding a therapist is to read what they have to say about their practice and their areas of focus. When you find a therapist that you think might be a good fit, contact them and ask for a consultation. During the consultation ask about their experience, about their approach, and about their comfort level in exploring difficult subjects. As you're listening to their response ask yourself if you feel you could work with this person, and do you feel safe enough with them to give it a try? The goal is to find someone that you trust enough to be honest with and someone whose approach to therapy and childhood abuse makes sense to you.
 
It’s challenging to face the difficult parts of our lives. It takes courage to push through one’s completely natural resistance and take a step toward a life of greater clarity and openness. If you're ready to take that risk and start that journey to aliveness, I encourage you to contact me here.